i was rollin on her like bob the builder
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
