it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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