Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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