I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
