Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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