We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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