i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
