its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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