If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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