sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You don't make any sense
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