That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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