So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
