Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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