Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
