Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
