WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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