I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dick very happy bro
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