genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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