Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
