how can u be prego again
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You pole danced in your parka.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
