we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
