He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
