we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
