I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
