I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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