I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
