Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
