you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
