I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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