Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
4 words: hood of his car
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
