well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
