Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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