I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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