He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
