I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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