I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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