Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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