matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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