Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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