His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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