wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize