Im at strip club and am horny
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
