u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
