Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
