i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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