I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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