I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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