evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
