I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Never joke about your clitoris.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
