My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
