You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
