have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
